Added: Anish Wood - Date: 21.02.2022 16:38 - Views: 44969 - Clicks: 7237
If you've ever missed the s of insecurity in a guythe following scenario probably sounds familiar:. You meet a new man and he seems great. He picks you up, presents you with roses, opens your door, takes you to an elegant restaurant, and endlessly compliments you throughout the night. He repeatedly tells you, his voice laced with incredulous wonder, that he can't believe you agreed to go out with him since you're so far out of his league. He treats you like a princess, and it's all so flattering. It's a refreshing change to feel so appreciated, especially if you have a pattern of dating jerksand you began thinking that maybe he's "the one.
But then things head south, and his sweet attentiveness turns to overwhelming obsession. It no longer feels like he treasures and cherishes you; it feels like overbearing possessiveness. It takes all your energy to assure your man and then reassure him over and over again that you love him, and it's sucking the life out of you.
By definition, insecure people are those who are "lacking confidence and doubting their own abilities Insecure people have little confidence and are uncertain about their own abilities or if other people really like them.
Unfortunately, insecure men are everywhere. And if your boyfriend or husband with does most, or all, of the following things, he's probably one them sorry! He never mentions any friends and doesn't hang out with anyone but you. Outside of work, he has no interests or hobbies. He doesn't go to the gym, play any sports, take any classes, volunteer or go to church. When he isn't with you, he's sitting at home thinking about you.
Or maybe he did have friends and hobbies at one time, but he gave them all up in order to spend every minute with you. His insecurity is so overwhelming that he can't see reason and will convince himself that you couldn't possibly love him, so the only "logical" conclusion is that you're still in love with your ex. Very early in the relationship, he professes his undying love for you. You could fly through the air while shouting, "He loves me!
He loves me!
Wait, what? This is our second date. That's crazy-talk. It takes time to get to know someone enough to love them, and if your new boyfriend is telling you he loves you right off the bat, it should sound warning bells, especially if he pressures you into saying it back to him.
You're his world, the center of his universe, his reason for living. At first, it may seem flattering to be valued so highlybut being the center of one's world isn't all it's cracked up to be. That's too much pressure to live up to. And what happens when you hit a bump in the road in your relationship?
When things aren't going smoothly, his world falls apart. He falls apart because you are his world. He frequently asks you questions like, "Do you love me? Then when you assure him that you do find him attractive, he doesn't believe you. Everyone likes to hear that they're loved, pretty, talented, attractive, intelligent and desired, but his needs go beyond those of the rest of us.
He generally suffers from low self-esteem, which incidentally is the driving force behind many of his insecure behaviors. He's jealous of the time you spend with your friends. He doesn't like you to meet coworkers after work for happy hour, he doesn't like you going shopping with girlfriends, and heaven forbid you have any platonic relationships with men.
He frequently calls and texts to check up on you when you're out without him. At first, his possessiveness may make you feel special and wanted. But after some time, that possessiveness will become exasperating when you feel you can't do anything with your friends without upsetting him. He plays this sort of game wherein he threatens to leave or break up with you.
He says things like, "I don't feel wanted" or, "I don't think you really love me. If you do, it validates his fragile ego. If you don't, he'll take it all back and do whatever he can so he doesn't lose you. He's just testing your devotion to him and demanding that validation he so craves. Eventually, you'll either be stuck in this unhealthy relationship or you'll tire of this little game and gladly let him leave the next time he threatens it. According to him, his exes never really loved him. He insists that in every past relationship, he was the innocent victim.
No one loved him.
They used him and cheated on him. This may be true and the reason why he's so insecure, or it may be in his head because of his insecurity. If you're a sympathetic person who feels the need to protect and champion the underdog, his tales of woe will tug at your heartstrings. You may decide that you'll never be the one to leave or hurt him. But take the stories of his exes as a warning if you don't want to feel guilted into staying in a bad relationship. He's always aware the very second you post a status update on Facebook, a tweet, or an Instagram post.
He follows you and always knows what you're up to. He may even get upset if he re what you're up to on Facebook when you didn't tell him personally before posting it for everyone to read. Unless you're Kim Kardashian, there's just something a little creepy about being stalked. He looks over your shoulder when you receive a text. He may nonchalantly ask who you're texting or he might outright demand to see your phone. He oftentimes feels like you're hiding something from him if you're on your computer or phone, even if you're just checking your work or texting a girlfriend a recipe for lasagna.
At first, you're swept off your feet by his sweet thoughtfulness. But after a while you start to question his lavish gifts and attention. Is he motivated to give you gifts out of pure love, or out of a desire to buy your affection and ensure you won't leave him? He can't quite shake his suspicions that you're cheating on him. He may accuse you of flirting with the waiter, having an affair with a coworker, or just looking around for someone better.
It isn't necessarily that he doesn't trust you; it's more about him feeling like he's not good enough for you so it's just a matter of time until you find someone better. Within minutes of leaving after your date, he'll text you that he misses you. At first, his attention is so sweet.
Who doesn't want to feel so desired? It doesn't take long to start feeling overwhelmed with his obsessive attention. He wants to see you every day and gets upset if you have other responsibilities that take you away from him. He has a way of making you feel guilty if you need to work, run errands, or meet a friend and can't go out with him. It's normal and it's a good thing to be sensitive to the moods of your partner, but with an insecure man, his mood will be totally dependent on you. If you're happy and loving toward him, he will be in a good mood. If you're frazzled, trying to juggle a thousand things, and don't have time to constantly assure him that you're in love with him, he'll be sad and depressed.
His co-dependent behavior puts an extraordinary amount of pressure on you to always make sure you're in a good mood so he doesn't get down. No one likes to be criticized, but insecure people take even the kindest, most constructive criticism really badly. They have low self-esteem and cannot bear to have their suspicions about themselves validated when someone points out a flaw. If you open up and tell your partner that he's smothering you and you need a little time alone, he's likely to turn it around on you.
Instead of listening to your concerns, reflecting on his behavior and promising to back off a little to give you space, he's turns it around. As a single mom, she juggles six kids, work and laundry with the help of God, family, friends and wine, though not necessarily in that order. in. YourTango Experts. Photo: Getty. Dawn Marie. Most women have found themselves caught up in toxic, unhealthy relationships with insecure men. If you've ever missed the s of insecurity in a guythe following scenario probably sounds familiar: You meet a new man and he seems great. Subscribe to our newsletter.
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The Emotional Drain of Loving An Insecure Man